Mis Aventuras en Peru: Home

The Calling- a poem by Robert S. Henderson

I have been called

By the Holy One who has always known me better than I have known myself.

If I do not respond to the call

Most likely

I will end up somewhere I am not at home

I will be a stranger in my own skin

I will feel I know more than I do

I will not know how wounded I am

I will not know the unseen presence

That has always supported me

But if I do respond to the call

I will need to surrender to my life’s meaning

I will find that

Enemies are often friends in disguise

Bringing out what is inside me

Will save me from that which will destroy me

The night dreams are connections to what I need to know

The places of hurt are also places of blessing

The right people appear in my life at the right time

The money I have is all the money I need now

In darkness there is a candle

My body is an expression of who I am

Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness

In silence I will find a friend who has always known me

My faith will often be found after I decide to take the first step

My courage will come like the early morning’s dawn.

My calling will bring me

To a place where God has always been

To an urgency where never again will

I delay to live

To music that will take me to my soul

To poetry that will become daily food

To risks that will take me to my heart

To follow my call

I will need to know how to go apart from the crowd

And follow a that others may never understand

I will need to commit myself to my life

Settling only when I find its meaning and purpose

Saying yes to my passion

Bearing the aloneness of my own authority

And in time finding others

Who are walking the same direction.

As my last month in Peru begins wrapping up I find myself in a rather reflective mood. I am working on a piece for a group of UD professors who were here a few weeks ago and am reading through my journal trying to sum up who I am and where I have been this past year. I do not have any real clear conclusions yet- I think these will come a bit more the longer I remove myself from the experience but one thing I do have a sense of home.

Here in Peru- I am finally home! I am bilingual, have friends, a loving community, a basic grasp of the culture- all of these things in time to come back to Dayton. But is a funny thing, this transition too because at the same time I am being called back to another home. The intimate friendships I have back in the States, my family, and the opportunity to live in community with the Marianist Sisters are calling me back to my other home. It will be difficult to leave here- certainly- especially as I am unsure when I will be returning- but it will be time.

The above poem- The Calling- is a poem I reflected on while I was on a silent retreat right before coming to Peru. As I read back over it- there are many lines that speak to my experience here.

“If I do not respond to the call most likely I will end up somewhere I am not at home I will be a stranger in my own skin I will feel I know more than I do I will not know how wounded I am I will not know the unseen presence that has always supported me”

My call was to move to Peru and although it was not home at first, it has become a home. In responding to this call, I have learned immensely about who I am and how culture affects me- reminding me that I am a stranger to some- but not to myself. When I graduated from UD- I thought I knew a good amount of things, that I had learned a lot in my university experience, but being here I have been reminded that there is always more to learn and that without God my life would be nothing.

“My faith will often be found after I decide to take the first step my courage will come like the early morning’s dawn. My calling will bring me to a place where God has always been to an urgency where never again will I delay to live to music that will take me to my soul to poetry that will become daily food to risks that will take me to my heart”

My faith here needed to be rediscovered. I took the giant leap of moving here to a ‘strange place’ with a ‘strange culture’ and ‘foreign language’. I had to re-learn how to pray and find God in daily life, because after all the words we were using started off as unfamiliar to me. I had to learn how to embrace my new, peaceful surrounding and to find my way in a culture that was new. But my calling to be here did bring a sort of urgency. The culture here begs each person to live in the present and the streets and churches are filled with music. I learned to dance, to play guitar, to let the music (new music) speak to my soul.

“To follow my call I will need to know how to go apart from the crowd and follow a that others may never understand I will need to commit myself to my life settling only when I find its meaning and purpose saying yes to my passion bearing the aloneness of my own authority and in time finding others who are walking the same direction.”

To follow my call- I set off on an uncharted path- away from my friends and miles from home. Some folks did not (still don’t) understand what I am doing and why, but I know that this was the right choice and it has helped me discover my life’s meaning. I was sometimes lonely, but in those moments learned more about who I am. And thankfully in the midst of this journey, I have found others to accompany me. Some live here in Peru and work in the ministries that I am working in. Some are Vowed Marianists on this continent and others. And some are friends and family who have been supporting me from afar- through messages, letters, prayers and chats.

We are walking in the same direction- to grow and know ourselves and serve God the best way we know how. Sometimes we take one another by the hand- to offer support when the going is really difficult and sometimes we are at such a distance that the only unity we can have is through prayer. But this is enough for us to remember that we can always be at home!